Divine Eyes
by Kali Gargoyle
Summary: A Turtles 'Reality TV' spoof. Reader participation is required. Read & Review.
1.

Divine Eyes

Divine Eyes

Hosted by Kali Gargoyle

***

On a dimly lit stage stands a young woman in black clothing holding a microphone. She smiles; her lips tinted silver, with matching fingernail polish. Her blonde hair is held up by a pair of silver hair sticks with little pentacles dangling from them.

"Hello, I am Kali Gargoyle, your host for this Ninja Turtles/Reality TV crossover. Be glad I'm not spoofing Survivor. I'll leave that to another author, who shall remain nameless, who needs to get around to continuing theirs. I don't watch too much TV, but I like this idea.

"Divine Eyes is based on the Big Brother show. You remember that, don't you? I have chosen ten Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles characters to be locked up in the Turtle's Subway Station home for as long as I decide.

"The players are Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, and Michaelangelo, of course. They will be joined by Venus, Dragon Lord, Wick, Shredder, April and Casey.

"Since I am the author, I have omnipotent powers, and will be reporting all relevant and irrelevant events to you, the reader. After each chapter, equivalent to one week of isolation, you will vote.

"Yes, you! The reader! You will kick someone off. Once I post a chapter, voting will be open for one week to give everyone time to read. Vote in your review, or email me if you want to suggest ideas with your vote. For example, if you want to see April and Venus getting into a catfight, or Raph kicking Leo in the groin, or Mike making a double cheese and jellybean pizza.

"The loser will be kicked off at the beginning of the next chapter and I'll go from there. This will take awhile since I can't finalize until voting is complete. So there will be about two weeks between chapters, just to let you know."

She smiles again and the stage lights up. Behind her are all the contestants. "Let's chat with our players before we start, shall we?"

She walks over to where Leonardo is sitting. "Leo, is there anything you would like to say before we begin?"

"Why us?"

Kali moves on. "Raphael?"

"This is about 'Our Turn', isn't it? The bra was Mike's idea! I know you're allergic to lace!"

"Speaking of which, Mikey, have any last words?"

"I love you!"

"Donatello?"

"I hate you."

"Venus?"

"Don't you have more stories to write?"

"Yes, but I can multitask. See, I can talk and piss you off at the same time!"

Shredder nods. "Yes, you can. All the time."

Kali passes Shredder because he has already spoken. "Dragon Lord?"

"That's _The_ Dragon Lord, you worthless witch!"

"Wick?"

"I want my alchemist's cookbook back."

"April?"

"I wasn't on this show."

"Neither was I," Casey says. "But I guess she ran out of characters."

"Yes. I didn't want any more bad guys, and Splinter is currently on my good side."

Raphael groaned. "Yeah, I bet he is. Can we get on with this?"

"Of course," Kali says, turning back to the readers. "Just to let everyone know, I've have removed all personal items from the Turtles' home. This includes weapons, luxury items, and dirty magazines."

"Hey!" Raphael yells.

"I will also confiscate Shredder's armor."

Shredder glares at her. 

"And suppress all magick."

"What!" Venus and Dragon Lord exclaim.

"They get to bring one trunk and a duffel bag full of things. Anything except weapons."

"There goes the fun," Raphael grumbles.

"Well, that's my introduction. The continuation of this series depends, literally, on reader response. Give me some time while we get everything set up."


	2. 

Day one

Day one

Everyone is gathered in the Turtles' large, central room, luggage at their feet.

"What now?" April asks.

Leo looks around. "Unpacking, I guess." A piece of paper appears in Leo's hand. "Girls sleep in the subway car. Turtles and Casey get the dojo. The bad guys get the garage," he reads.

"Not with my bike!" Raph exclaims. Another piece of paper appears in Raph's hand. "I borrowed it for awhile, hotstuff. Love Kali," he reads. "That bitch!"

"There goes the rating," Venus sighs. She grabs her baggage. "Come on, April, let's go get to know each other. It'll be nice to have someone around not controlled by testosterone."

"Hey, I resent that remark!" Raph yells.

"I refuse to live in these conditions!" Dragon Lord complains.

"Maybe you should have volunteered _your _place," Casey chuckles. He reads the piece of paper that appears in his hand. He laughs. "Our author's holed up there."

"What!" Dragon Lord grabs the paper. "That little…"

"Brat?" Leo suggests.

"Bitch?" Raph says.

"Human?" Wick adds his two cents.

"They haven't created a word obscene enough!" Dragon Lord yells.

Donatello frowns at his empty workspace. "Agreed."

Mike picks up his luggage. "I like her. She looks like Renet."

"Really?" Casey asks.

"Yeah, but with longer, darker hair."

Raphael rolls his eyes. "Can I bribe my way out of here?" Another paper. "Damn."

***

In the subway car, April is unpacking her things. Venus is straightening up her bed.

"I am so pissed at being excluded from your show," April says.

Venus snorts. "At least you officially exist." She throws down the book she's holding. "I can't even use my powers!"

April sits on her bed and pulls her knees up to her chest. "Maybe she'll give them back if you're good."

"She hates me!" Venus yells. A paper falls at her feet. "'I don't hate you. I think you're pathetic.' I am not!" Venus sobs.

Leo walks in and sees Venus crying. "Venus, what's wrong?"

"The author thinks I'm pathetic. I'm not pathetic!"

Leo and April exchange glances. "Of course not," Leo says, hugging her.

***

Day Two

"Breakfast!"

Casey looks at his plate. "What is it?"

Mike, wearing an apron with a bikinied torso on it, smiles. "Peanut butter and banana pancakes."

Donatello makes a face. "Where the hell did you get the recipe?"

"Kali gave it to me. She says it goes great with honey."

"Suck up," Wick snaps.

A piece of paper appears in Mike's hand. "Don't read this out loud. Oops." He goes on to read the rest in silence. He smiles and stuffs the note in his pocket. "I'll have to look into that."

Shredder, sans helmet, looks curiously at Mike. "If this is Reality TV, why are we getting notes?"

Donatello swallows his mouthful of pancake. "They're the author's way of communicating. You know, these aren't too bad."

Venus smirks. "You just complimented the author's taste."

Don drops his fork. "It just slipped. I didn't mean it!"

Mike bounces around. "Donnie loves Kali! Donnie loves Kali!"

Don reaches out and punches Mike in the face. Mike falls to the floor unconscious. April gasps and runs to check him.

***

Day Three

"Where's Leo?" Casey asks.

"Like we care," Dragon Lord grumbles.

"He's meditating," April tells him.

"Why?"

"Probably trying to escape," Dragon Lord replies.

Casey blinks and looks from Dragon Lord to April. "What are you two doing in here?"

April blushes. "I – I wasn't on the show! I was trying to catch up. I was interviewing him!"

"Why not ask Venus?" Casey asks, eyeing Dragon Lord. He tries to blow fire, then remembers that his powers have been taken.

"She's meditating, too."

***

Mike rummages through the kitchen cabinets. Raphael looks up from his raid on the fridge. "What cha lookin' for?"

"Paprika. Kal says dragons are allergic."

Raph snickers. "Cool, I knew I liked her for a reason."

***

Day Four

"Look you little shit, I don't have to take this!" Leo yells at the ground.

Shredder looks over. Not the ground, but Wick.

"Listen, shell-back, I can say whatever I want. You aren't in charge of me!"

Leonardo takes a deep breath. "I am in control of myself. I am in control."

"You control nothing!" Wick yells gleefully.

"That's it!" Leo pulls back and kicks Wick across the room.

Shredder smiles. "I knew you weren't that good."

Leo glares at him.

Shredder leans back on the couch. "Say, is Venus single?"

"Huh?"

"Just curious."

***

Day Five

Venus strolls out of the subway car. "Finally, the fifth day!"

"So?" Raphael asks.

Dragon Lord rolls his eyes. "The author has decided to have five days between votes, you imbecile. Tonight, one of you gets voted off."

Leo jumps in. "One of us? What makes you think _you_ won't get voted out?"

"Oh, please, no!" April cries. All eyes are on her. "Umm…"

Casey jumps up. "I vote Dragon bum out!"

Shredder snickers. "_We_ don't vote. This isn't Survivor. The readers vote."

Donatello frowns. "I wonder who'll go?"

Venus waves her hands over her head. "We'll find out sooner of later. Where's Mike and Wick?"

Dragon Lord looks at her. "Mike snuck in a Playboy, and Wick is hiding from your Fearless Leader."

Raphael gets in his face. "I'm the only one allowed to call him that!"

"So sue me."

***

Kali walks out onto the stage. 

"Welcome to our first vote. I hope it's been interesting, it certainly has for our vic – I mean, players. Thank you to those few who reviewed the first chapter. Your suggestions have been noted and some even incorporated. Who will stay, who will go? Only you can decide by voting. Vote for who you want to leave and I'll start writing out the next installment."


	3. Week Two

Week two

Week two

***

Kali is sitting sideways in the Dragon Lord's throne.

"Hello everyone and welcome to week two of Divine Eyes. Last week you voted and here are the results:

"Two for Wick.

"Two for Venus.

"One for Donatello.

"One for April.

"We have a tie. But I can't kick both of them off, so _I'll_ decide the final vote."

The room lights up and Wick is sitting beside the throne in an uncomfortable plastic chair.

"Hey, Wick."

"Hello, Kali, I love what you've done with the place."

"Thank you, Wick, but sucking up won't get you back in the fic."

"Why not Venus? Huh?"

Kali smiles. "She's more popular than you are apparently. I got votes to keep her on. Besides, I'm not through with her yet."

Wick shakes his head. "You're worse than the master."

"Thanks. Now that you're off, do you have anything to say about your experiences?"

"Only that I'm glad it's over. And if you ever try this again, I will eat you."

Kali just shrugs. "Sure you will, dragon-boy. Just be glad that you don't have to eat paprika."

Wick got wide-eyed. "You're evil!"

"I know. Now on with the fic!"

"I want my book back!"

***

Day Six

Leonardo is pacing the length of the dojo. "It's not fair. That pathetic lizard gets to leave but_ I_ have to stay here in this hell!"

Casey stops hitting the training dummy. "This is _your_ home, Leo. You're just sore 'cause you aren't in control for once."

"I am always in control!"

Casey pauses for a moment. "Sure, Leo, whatever you say."

Leo is about to give Casey a piece of his mind, but he's interrupted by giggling. They leave the dojo and go into the living room.

Sitting on the couch is Shredder; his legs propped up on the table and his arm around Venus.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Venus jumps and looks at him. Shredder just smirks.

"Leo!" Venus cries.

"Greetings, my enemies." Shredder waves at them.

Leo frowns at Venus. "What are you doing?"

"Talking!"

Shredder points at Leo. "She's her own person, shellback. She doesn't need you telling her what to do."

"Yeah!" Venus jumps up. "How dare you try to tell me who I can and cannot talk with."

Casey is trying very hard not to laugh. Shredder sighs, "Venus, you are beautiful when you're angry."

Before Leo can argue he's interrupted again, this time by Mike.

"Dinner!"

They all file into the kitchen. Mikey is pulling a pizza from the oven and has another on the counter. Raphael is already at the table.

About five minutes into the meal, Raphael starts snickering. Mike tries to shush him while holding in his own laughter.

"What's so funny?" Don asks.

Raphael grins. "Paprika."

"What!" Dragon Lord jumps up. "The author told you, didn't she? That evil…" Suddenly his eyes roll into the back of his head and he passes out.

Mike and Raph can no longer contain their laughter and crack up. Casey and Shredder join in, too.

"What have you done!" April cries.

Don points at her. "You skipped a button."

April looks down and grabs the front of her shirt, blushing madly. She runs from the room.

Leo blinks. "Has everyone gone crazy?"

"No," Venus says. "Just you."

***

Day Seven

Donatello sits alone with one of the books he's brought with him. Just sitting there. Reading.

Suddenly, the letters on the page swirl around to form new words.

__

Do something.

Don slams the book shut. "How's that for _something_?"

He suddenly drops the book because he's gotten a papercut. "Ow, damn it, that hurts!"

***

The Dragon Lord walks in from the garage. "I hate this."

April runs over. "You're all right!"

"No thanks to that miserable turtle," he hisses. "Gods, my head hurts."

"Ooooohh," April coos.

Mike, who's sitting on the couch with Leo and Casey, starts making kiss-y noises. "Awww, is April gonna kiss it all better?"

Casey glares at Dragon Lord. "Step away from my woman."

Dragon Lord tilts his head up. "Make me, you pathetic human."

Casey jumps off the couch and lands a punch on the dragon's snout. The Dragon Lord picks him up by his shirt. Venus walks into the room with a piece of paper.

"Kali's given me my powers back so I can save Casey."

"Well?" Leo says.

Venus folds her arms over her chest. "No."

"No?" Casey gasps.

"I'm not going to be at the beck and call of that succubus! You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out of it."

Raphael runs in from the kitchen. "I'll save ya, buddy." Raphael jumps onto the Dragon Lord's back and shakes the paprika bottle in his face. Dragon Lord drops Casey and Raphael jumps away.

The Dragon Lord starts sneezing violently. Another piece of paper appears in Venus' hand. "'I take it back.' No!"

Raph waves his piece of paper. "Kali warned me."

***

Day Eight

Raphael is watching the scene in front of him in pure bliss. He grins as Leo takes another step forward in his nervous breakdown.

"This cannot be happening! When I get out of here, I'm going to give that witch a piece of my mind."

"Yeah," Raph says. "And she'll take a piece of your hide while she's at it."

Leo turns on him. "You should be on _my_ side, Raph! She stole your bike."

Raph shrugs. "I'll get it back, and freshly washed, too. Besides, she's keeping it away from the goon squad."

"You're on _her_ side?"

"Look, Leo, I'd rather be _on _her, period. Remember that this'll be all over soon. Maybe we'll all get lucky and _you'll_ be voted out this week."

"Yeah….Hey!"

Raph snickers. "Go back to your nervous breakdown, Leo."

***

Day Nine

"Dudes, check this out!" Michaelangelo runs in waving a piece of paper. "We're a hit!"

"Huh?" Venus asks, totally confused by his words.

"It means they like us," Raph explains. "Gimmie the paper."

Mike clutches it to his chest. "No, I'm keeping it! She gave it to me!"

"I said give it!" Raph demands through gritted teeth. He pushes Mike's head into his shell and grabs the paper.

"That was uncalled for, Raph," Don says.

"Kiss my shell, techno-geek."

"Are they always like this?" Shredder asks.

"Pretty much," Venus replies.

Shredder looks to Dragon Lord, who is now a light shade of blue. Yes, _blue_. An allergic reaction to… _something_. "How do these losers always manage to beat us?"

"Don't ask me," Dragon Lord says. "You've been trying longer than I have."

"We are _not_ losers!" Don yells. "_You're_ the losers!"

Shredder stands up. "Come over here and say that _freak_!"

Suddenly, a light fixture falls from the ceiling and lands on Shredder's head, giving him a slight electrical shock and bump on the head. Venus covers her mouth and screams.

Don tilts his head upwards. "Thanks Kali."

The light fixture sparks in response.

***

Day Ten

"What is that sound?" April asks.

Mike looks over from the TV. "Leo."

"What is he doing?"

"He's trying to get kicked off."

"Oh." She pauses. "By destroying the dojo?"

Raph snickers from his place beside Mike. "Maybe he's been sniffing the paprika."

"That's not funny!" April yells, wapping Raph on the back of his head.

"Yo, Ape, cool it, will ya? You've already got Casey pissed at you. Don't make it worse on yourself."

April screams through her teeth and pulls her hair as she runs out of the room.

Mike and Raph high-three.

***

"Stupid bitch!"

Leo punches the black clad practice dummy again. The blonde wig falls off and he bends down to pick it up.

Donatello and Casey stand off to the side. "I think he's snapped," Casey says.

"Nah," Donatello says. "He does this every now and then. It relieves his tension. He'll be fine after the vote. That is, if he's still here after the vote."

***

Shredder and Dragon Lord are huddled together in the far corner of the garage.

"What are you doing?"

Shredder whirled around to face Venus. "Venus! Don't do that!"

She looks past him. "Are you trying to pry open that drain?"

"Yes," Dragon Lord says. "We've had enough, we're getting out of here."

"Isn't that against the rules?" Venus says. "I mean, we _are_ supposed to stay for this."

Shredder touches her cheek softly. "My lovely flower, rules are meant to be broken. Anyway, if you don't tell, you can come with us."

"Okay."

***

Kali waits until the lights come up. She moves her mouth but no sound comes out. She faces off stage and silently yells. There's a moment while she listens. She looks at her microphone and flips the switch with her thumb.

"Stupid sound people. Ahem, that's it for week two. Remember, at FF.n, you can vote/review once per _chapter_. Drop me a line and make _your _vote count!" A springy bounce sound is heard.

Kali calmly walks off camera and a large crash is heard, followed by several screams and crying.

Kali returns to the screen and smiles. "See you next week."


	4. Week Three

Week three

Week three

***

Kali is once again sitting on Dragon Lord's throne. Beside her in the plastic chair is April O'Neil, head between her knees, crying.

"Welcome to our second interview. This week it's April, with three votes out of ten. April, are you okay?"

April snaps her head up. "No, I'm not! I don't wanna leave."

Kali pats her shoulder. "Don't worry April, I'm sure Casey will join you soon."

"Who?"

Kali gives a blank expression. "O-_kay_. Well, I appreciate all the response this story has gotten. It's done a real number on my ego."

April glares. "As if it could get any bigger. And if you're such a good writer, why was I so out of character?"

Kali thinks for a moment. "Well, you weren't really, since humans are capable of a wide variety of emotions. But I think it's because you would have been boring. But if you think _you_ were out of character, you should check out day thirteen."

"Why?"

"Because it's day _thirteen_, duh! I had to do something cool for that 'unlucky' day I love so much."

April just stares. "You are insane."

"No, just eccentric, often mistaken for insanity. And for our readers, I have a special interview at the end with a character that hasn't appeared yet but you're all wondering about."

***

Day eleven

"Die dragon freak!"

Dragon Lord just sits there as Casey hits him repeatedly with a throw pillow.

"This would be easier with my baseball bats," Casey says, winding up for another hit.

"No weapons," Mike reminds him.

Dragon Lord rolls his eyes. "Why am I just sitting here?"

Raph snickers. "Hey, angel face, can we get instant reply? The readers missed the fun."

The TV flips on and has static before showing a picture of Dragon Lord, Shredder and Venus leaning over a hole in the floor. The screen unpauses and Dragon Lord jumps through the hole. Shredder takes Venus' hand.

"Ladies first."

Venus climbs down and Shredder follows. It cuts to a sewer tunnel.

"I see light!" Venus cries and runs forward. She stops suddenly like she ran into an invisible wall. Well, she did.

Kali clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. She's holding a flashlight, the source of the light. "Nice try, but no dice. I'm afraid you're going to have to be punished for this."

Dragon Lord steps forward. "Stand aside, witch. You cannot stop us."

Kali just smirks. "I can't, huh?"

"Oh, no," Shredder groans. The picture cuts again. This time we see the four appear in the sewer den. Mike looks up.

"Hey, Kali, what's up?"

April runs over. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Kali puts her hands on her hips. "These three just tried to escape our little game."

Don looks up from his trunk and holds up a palm pilot. "That's funny, I thought it was _your_ game."

"So they will be punished," Kali continues. "Venus and Shredder are not to come within five feet of each other for the rest of the chapter. This will be magickally enforced. The Dragon Lord will have to sit and take whatever punishment Casey deems fit."

"Alright!" Casey yells. "You're goin' down!"

April turns to Casey. "You can't do that! I won't let you near him."

Kali grabs her arm. "No can do, Ape, you've been voted off. You're coming with me."

"No! No!" April screams. "This is your fault! You made me annoying on purpose!"

Kali rolls her eyes and they both disappear.

The screen goes blank.

"Hit him harder Casey!" Mike yells.

"I'm trying!" He looks at the pillow. "Maybe if I put some bricks in it."

Leo walks in. "Hey, did I miss the instant replay?"

"Yep," Don says. "Feeling better?"

Leo takes a deep breath. "Yes. I do."

"That's for stealing my woman, lizard-man!"

***

Day twelve

Donatello walks in and surveys the scene.

Venus is walking in a circle around Shredder. The radius is exactly five feet. "This is cruel and unusual punishment!"

Shredder crosses his arms. "What do you expect from a cruel and unusual person?"

Don look over to Leo, Raph, and Mike, who are playing cards. Mike throws down his hand.

"Gin!"

Raph grumbles. "Hey Donnie!" he yells out. "We need a fourth for poker, wanna join?"

Don frowns. "Where's Casey?"

Leo starts to shuffle the cards. "Still beating on Dragon Lord. He only gets a week of this and he wants to make the most of it."

***

Casey takes one last swing with the pillow. Dragon Lord gives him an amused grin. "Tiring already, human?"

Casey takes deep breaths. "I got all week, and you can't do nothing about it!"

Dragon Lord leans to the side. "No wonder April chose me over you."

Casey gives him another good smack in the face. "What the hell could she see in _you_!"

Dragon Lord motions for him to come closer. He leans over and whispers in Casey's ear. Casey's eyes get as wide as plates.

"No way!"

***

Day thirteen

Mike walks out from the dojo. "I have a bad feeling about today."

Venus bounces in from the subway car. "Yo dudes, what's up?"

Mike bangs the side of his head. "I did _not_ just hear that."

"What?" Raphael peeks out from the kitchen.

"Venus just…Raph, what are you doing?"

"I'm making breakfast."

Mike cautiously approaches the kitchen and sniffs. It _smells_ good. Mike's jaw hits the ground. Raph is standing in front of the stove wearing a pink frilly apron flipping pancakes. Mike rubs his eyes. "What the hell?"

Don runs in with a piece of paper. "Kali says that in honor of number thirteen, things are going to be weird today."

"What happened to the palm pilot?" Raph asks. 

"It was too hard for me to figure out."

Mike sits down at the table. "Am I the only one not affected by this?" He slams his fist down. "I want answers _now_!"

***

Venus bounces into the garage. Dragon Lord is quietly rocking in the corner.

"Like hi!"

Dragon Lord looks up. "Hi," he says softly.

"Come on, Raph's makin' pancakes!"

***

"Why can't we just be friends?"

"You die _now_!" Leo lunges at Shredder. He dodges and Leo crashes into a stack of boxes.

Mike runs in. "Leo, calm down, damn it!"

"No, I will _not_ calm down! Control is for the weak!"

"Fighting is not the answer!" Shredder yells.

***

Dragon Lord sneaks around the corner. Suddenly, Casey jumps into his path.

"Don't hurt me!" Dragon Lord covers his head with his arms.

Casey smiles. "I'm not going to hurt you. I want to apologize."

Dragon Lord stands up and stares at him. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. Friends?"

***

Venus jumps over the edge of the couch and lands next to Raphael.

"Wanna makeout?"

Raph glances at her briefly. "Not really, try Mike."

"I did," she whines. "He said no, too. Please, sweetie? I'd be like totally happy."

"Well…"

***

Kali does not look amused. "Okay, now she's gone too far. This little freaky twist is only funny so long. Let's get back to what passes for normal."

***

Day fourteen

Everyone is sitting around the living room.

"That was weird," Raph says.

"She's awfully creative," Shredder comments. "First our punishments, now that. Why's she writing fan fiction? She could make decent money with original stuff."

Don holds onto his palm pilot as if it were made of gold. "It would probably interfere with her cushy job in the seventh ring."

Mike gasps. "Don! How could you say that?"

Don's hand held computer beeps and he looks down. "'Ouch.' Ouch?" The small device overloads and blows up in his hands. "Ouch!"

Raph and Venus laugh. "That's what you get for relying on technology," Venus says.

Don mumbles under his breath and looks down at his beloved hand held computer, now broken and smoking.

Dragon Lord chuckles. "I'm starting to like this woman."

Casey smacks him with the pillow. "Don't be a player!"

***

Day fifteen

Leo looks inside the subway car. Venus is sitting on the bed reading a book.

"Hey."

Venus looks up. "Oh, hello Leonardo. Do you want something?" 

He walks over thinking she should rephrase that. He sits on the bed next to her. "Not really. Just seeing how you're holding up."

Venus closes the book. "I'm doing as well as any of you."

"Good." He leans forward with his hands on his knees. Venus just looks at him. He seems different somehow. He looks over at her and her breath catches in her throat.

"Ahem."

Shredder is leaning against the doorframe. "Next week, this little punishment is up."

Leo glares at him and Venus looks from him to Shredder and back to Leo. Eventually, Shredder leaves and Leo stands up. He leaves without a word.

***

Kali leans over Wick's cauldron. "It's almost ready."

Wick notices the camera and pokes Kali's arm. She looks back and sees it too.

"Get that thing out of here!"

***

Kali sits up on the throne with a silver tiara on her head.

"Here's the promised interview with our special guest, Master Splinter!"

A cushioned rocker has replaced the plastic chair. Splinter smiles. "It is an honor to be here, Kali."

"I've set this up because a couple of you asked where Splinter was and what he was doing. Well, sensei?"

Splinter clears his throat. "I have used this time to take a much needed vacation to my homeland of Japan. I was never able to get this much time before."

"Good for you, that sounds relaxing," Kali smiles. "It must be great to be able to get away from the kids for awhile."

"You have no idea," Splinter sighs. "I'm having a wonderful time, but I do miss them."

"Of course you do. Well, it's time to vote again, and you all need to tell me who to send packing." She stands up. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a few spells I need to finish."

Splinter scratches his head. "I do not think that this falls under 'harm none'."

"Loophole! The rule applies to all living things, but you're all fictional, no matter how much I wish otherwise." She turns off stage. "Wick! Where do you keep the colored candles?"


	5. Week Four

Week Four

Week Four

***

Sitting on stage are two not so happy looking people. Shredder is sitting on the plastic chair, being his usual evil self. His armor has been returned.

Kali is sitting on her throne, looking less than cheerful.

"Three votes. _Three _votes? And I'm forced to break _another_ tie. I even gave you people extra days!" She sighs. "Anyway, our guest for this week is Shredder."

"Finally," Shredder says. "I've never been so glad to leave a place in my entire life."

"What about your budding relationship with Venus?" Kali asks.

"She's too clingy. That week apart really opened my eyes. Besides, I only flirted with her because I knew it would upset my enemies."

Kali smirked. "Why am I not surprised? So, let's see how Venus is holding up."

***

Day Sixteen

"Yeah, all right, he's gone!" Leo does flips and cartwheels across the living room. The others eye him suspiciously.

"Damn, Leo," Raph says. "I hated the guy, too, but I ain't going crazy."

"Leo, quit it," Don says.

"You're upsetting Venus," Mike adds.

Venus crosses her arms. "I feel the same as Leonardo. I'm glad that snake is gone."

Leo stops suddenly and looks around. "Snake? Where?"

Dragon Lord chuckles. "Is he really that afraid of snakes?"

"Yeah," Don says. "It's traumatic, we don't really talk about it."

Raphael smirks. "Well, he can go read about it in Ophidiophobia."

Venus spins on her heel to face him. "Don't plug the author's work. Especially now, I'm trying to be mad at Shredder."

"Don't get upset, V, we all know what happened last time."

"Huh?"

Raph grins. "You're humiliating defeat in…"

"No plugging!" Leo bops him on the head. "You're just trying to suck up to the author."

Venus stomps her foot. "Doesn't anyone care about _my_ problems?"

"No more that they care about you in general," Dragon Lord snaps.

"That hurt."

"Good."

Mike looks around. "Hey, where's Casey?"

Don looks around, too. "I don't know. But I thought he would have been voted out by now."

Raph points to the kitchen. "He's holed up there with the paprika."

***

Day Seventeen

Leo walks into the kitchen sometime around noon. He sees Mike cooking and Venus is sitting at the table nursing a glass of soda. Casey is under the table holding the jar of paprika.

Leo bends down. "Kali's not going to let him kill you, Casey."

"She can barely control _you_, and that's done with manipulation. No, no, I'm staying right here."

Leo sighs and sits next to Venus. "So, how are you doing?"

"I can't believe he was just using me," Venus says.

Leo shrugs. "He is a villain. If you had listened to us…"

Venus covers his mouth with her hand. "If you say 'I told you so' Kali will need to remove you with a stretcher. Understood?"

Leo nods and Venus removes her hand. "I'm sorry, all the same," he tells her.

"Me, too."

***

Day Eighteen

"Damn it Mikey!"

Mike, who is practicing with his brothers, stumbles in mid-punch. "What did I do now?"

Casey storms into the room carrying a shampoo bottle. Raph and Don stare a moment before they burst out laughing. Leo smiles. "That's a good look for you."

Casey points at Mike. "You put orange dye in my shampoo!"

"No, I didn't!" Mike yells back.

Raphael catches his breath. "I gotta admit, Mike, that's a good one."

"But I didn't do it!"

"Sure you didn't," Leo says.

Everyone jumps at the sound of a loud sneeze. Don turns to Mike. "You didn't."

"Didn't what? I haven't done anything!"

Dragon Lord heads straight for Mike. "You put that vile powder in my crown!"

Mike positions himself across the table from the enraged dragon. "I swear, dude, I didn't do it."

Casey narrows his eyes. "Right. He's probably got something planned for everyone."

Dragon Lord sneezes again, a mild blue spreading down from his forehead. "At least we're off the list."

"It's not me!"

***

Day Nineteen

Raphael slips into the kitchen carefully. Leo is sitting at the table drinking a cup of tea.

"He got you yet?" Raphael asks.

Leo shakes his head. "And he isn't going to."

They hear a high-pitched squeal and bolt from the room. They meet Casey outside Venus' room and Leo goes in first. "Venus, what's wrong?"

She holds up a pale blue braid. "He cut my bandanna."

Mike and Don finally arrive. "What happened?"

Leo shoves the braid in Mike's face. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Mike's eyes widen and he holds up his hands in protest. "I'm telling you Leo, it's not me."

"Who then?" Raphael snaps.

"I don't know. It's you for all we know."

Don gets between them. "Guys, guys, hold it. This is getting us nowhere."

Venus takes her braid from Leo. "My beautiful bandanna."

Leo rolls his eyes at the ceiling. "This is insane." He returns to the kitchen while Don and Raph try to console Venus and Mike tries to defend his innocence.

In the kitchen, he sits back down at the table. He takes a drink of tea and immediately spits it back out. "Michaelangelo!"

Leo goes back into the living room but Mike is gone.

Raph smirks. "He ain't gonna get you, eh?"

"Vinegar in my tea. He must have done it after Venus screamed."

"But he was here with us," Don tells him.

"But he came late," Casey argues.

Raph's eyes widen as if he just realized something. "We're next, Donnie."

***

Day Twenty

Don walks into the living room, followed by Raph. Just as Raphael passes under the doorway, a bucket that is sitting over the doorway tips over and covers him head to toe in pink fluorescent paint.

Don turns around and is splashed with some of the paint. Raph gags and wipes it away from his eyes. 

"I'm gonna kill him."

Don blocks his path. "Does this feel like déjà vu to you?"

Raph pauses. "Now that you mention it, it does."

Don sighs. "Let's go get cleaned up."

***

Mike is sitting on his bed in the dojo. Don walks in and sits next to him

"Looks like everyone got got." Don comments casually.

"It wasn't me!" Mike screams.

"I know."

Mike turns to him. "And what makes you so sure? Everyone else thinks it was me. The only way you could know for a fact that it wasn't me is if…" His eyes widen. "You!"

Don smirks. "That's what you get for taking my copy of _Frederick's of Hollywood_."

***

Kali grins. "It's time to vote again. I'm sorry for my rant earlier, and I apologize. I realize that this is a busy time of year for most of you, and most of you have lives outside this fandom."

"Even though _you_ don't!" Shredder calls from off stage. Kali hisses to her left and exits. Several hits are heard, then a large metallic thud.


	6. Week Five

Week Five

Week Five

***

"Greetings, readers, and welcome to week five of Divine Eyes. We are officially at the halfway point of our story. We've lost all the humans, and are down to five turtles and a dragon. Say, hello Casey."

Casey fidgets in the chair. "Ya know, I think I had this same chair in eighth grade."

"Which time through?" Kali smirks.

"Huh?" He pauses for a few seconds. "Shut up!"

"Be nice or I won't change your hair back."

Casey reaches up to make sure all his orange hair is still under his bandanna. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Immensely. And so are our readers. We're all having a good laugh at your expense."

"Don's right, you are evil."

Kali rolls her eyes. "I'll spare you all the 'I'm just misunderstood' speech and we'll get on with this."

***

Day Twenty One

Everyone is sitting in a circle around Leonardo, who is standing.

"Okay, it's down to the five of us and Kali's running out of ideas."

Venus holds her stomach. "I don't feel too good."

Raph punches Mike in the shoulder. "Maybe it was last night's dinner."

Mike shoves him back. "Then why isn't everyone sick, huh?"

Dragon Lord rubs his temples. "I've got a headache."

Leo crosses his arms and looks down at them. "Can I talk?"

"I don't know," Raph smirks, "can you?"

Mike and Don try very hard not to laugh.

Leo glares at Raph then continues. "As I was saying…"

Don puts his hand on Venus's forehead. "Maybe you've caught something. Hmmm, you don't have a fever."

"I'm telling you, it was food poisoning."

"It was not, Raph, or you'd be throwing up, too!" Mike yells back.

Leo gives up. He hangs his head and walks from the room.

***

Day Twenty Two

Venus walks into the kitchen for breakfast. "Can I just have toast?"

Mike frowns. "Why? I made this nice cheese and chili pepper omelet for you." He shoves the plate under her beak.

She covers her mouth and runs from the room, pushing aside Leo and Raph.

"Did you poison her again, Mike?"

Mike throws his spatula at Raph. "It's not my fault!"

***

Venus is sitting on the couch with Don watching TV. Leo comes over and sits on the edge. "Feeling better, Venus?"

She looks at him through the corner of her eye. "Yeah, that was the weirdest thing."

Don raises an eyeridge as a Fact Plus commercial came on. "Uh…nah."

Venus looks over. "What?"

"Nothing," Don says as he changes the channel.

***

Day Twenty Three

"Come on, shellback, I dare you."

Raphael stands ready to fight. Dragon Lord is in a similar stance. Mike and Don are standing off to the side.

"Why are they fighting again?"

Don shrugs. "I don't really think they need a reason."

Raphael lunges forward and Dragon Lord steps to the side. But Raph was just bluffing, and he catches the dragon off guard with a punch to the face.

"You're going to die, freak!"

Raphael laughs. "Not likely, too many people like me."

Dragon Lord swipes his claws across his plastron, leaving deep gashes. "Damn, that hurt!"

"Should we stop this?" Don asks.

Mike shrugs. "There's nothing else going on. Unless you want to meditate with Leo and Venus."

"Oh." Don blinks. "Leo and Venus are meditating?"

"Yeah."

"Together?"

"Yeah, so?"

Don shakes his head. "I can't believe she's doing this."

***

Day Twenty Four

"Where are you going Don?"

Don stops and looks over at Raph. "Oh, hey Raph. I was just going to…to…" He scratches the back of his head, clearly confused. "What _was_ I going to do?"

Raph smirks. "Well, well, the boy genius can't remember what he was going to do."

"Shut up Raph."

Raph grins. "That's rich. You _never_ forget. Aw man, what I wouldn't give to record that moment."

Don snaps his fingers. "Now I remember, I was going to beat the crap out of you!"

Raphael blinks in surprise. "Huh?"

Don brings his knee up to Raph's stomach and Raph doubles over. "Oh, you're paying for that, nerd."

***

Leo runs out of the dojo screaming. Mike watches for awhile before calling everyone else. "Guys, something's wrong with Leo!"

Venus and Raph walk in to see Leo walking around in circles, mumbling incoherently. "The Jell-O is going to freeze…we have to dump the sea monkeys…there's no room in the bathtub!"

Dragon Lord chuckles at the turtle. Raph glares at him. "This ain't funny."

Dragon Lord smirks back. "Yes it is. He's finally lost it. I'm surprised it wasn't sooner."

Venus watches as Leo picks carpet lint out of the rug. "We should do something."

Mike grabs Raph's arm. "Come on, you've still got Kali's straight jacket, right?"

"Yeah." Raph's eyes widen. "How do you know about that?"

"You're loud."

***

Day Twenty Five

Mike bends over to try to look at Leo, who is suspended from the ceiling wearing a white jacket. "Hey, bro, feeling better?"

Leo just stares past him.

"Okay, well, if you need anything, just holler."

***

Venus looks up from her meditation at the sound of bats flying. "Kali?"

A box falls into Venus' lap. She picks it up and reads the label. "You can't be serious."

A note is stuck to the other side of the box. "Just take the damn test, it'll be good for ratings."

***

Kali smiles from her seat on the Dragon Lord's throne. 

"Well, I seemed to get over that block easily enough, though my frame of mind is…well, I think you can figure it out. Time to cast your votes. I know it'll be harder this time, because we've already gotten rid of the least popular characters, but it's important. So just do it."


	7. Week Six

Week Six

Week Six

***

Kali runs up onto stage.

"Hey everyone, welcome back. Sorry I'm late, but I was off with other projects. Which ones? That's top secret. Okay, this week our loser is Donatello!"

"I'm not going out there," a voice says from off stage.

Kali runs off stage and returns, literally dragging Donatello with her. She drops him in the plastic chair and jumps onto the throne. "Welcome Don!"

Don glances at the camera nervously. "Hey Kali. I never thought I'd be voted off before the Dragon Lord."

Kali shrugs. "You win some, you lose some. So, Don, did you get your magazine back?"

"Huh?" He blushes. "Oh, yeah."

Kali smirks. "So, what do you think about Venus' current…condition."

"I think you need a vacation from insanity," Don replies.

"I'll just come back with a vengeance."

Don shivers. "Nevermind. Forget I suggested it. Venus isn't very happy."

"So? You think I care?"

"Not really."

"This ought to be fun."

***

Day twenty six

Mike paces around the couch where Raphael is sitting. Leo is sitting in a nearby chair, looking a lot better than before, but eerily quiet. Dragon Lord is standing in the corner, as far away as possible while still being in the room.

Raph finally rubs his eyes and puts his head between his knees. "Damn it, Mike, will you quit it? I'm getting dizzy."

Mike stops, and begins shifting from one foot to the other. "How long does it take?"

Raph sighs and Leo shrugs. Dragon Lord rolls his eyes. "What do _you_ care?"

Mike whirls around to face him. "I care about what happens to Venus because she's part of our family. And she's cute."

Raph shakes his head. "So do we Mike, but…"

The bathroom door opens and Venus emerges. She sits on the couch next to Raph, and Mike shoots into the bathroom.

"That bitch!" Venus shrieks and lowers her head to her hands. Raph gives her an odd glance and looks over the back of the couch to Mike.

"Yo, what is it?"

"She trashed the box!" Mike yells as he comes back into the room.

"So?" Dragon Lord asks, still in disbelief of how a small white stick could cause so much trouble.

"I don't know what the little dot means!" Mike throws his arms into the air. He stands in front of Venus. "What is it?"

She looks up and glares at him so intensely that he backs away.

***

Day twenty seven

Leonardo watches Venus from his place at the kitchen table. Mike busies himself by cooking…something. Leo's grip on his teacup tightens as he watches Raph approach Venus.

"So what were the results?" Raphael demands.

"Kiss my shell!" Venus snaps before turning on her heel.

Raph grabs her arm. "Come on, tell us."

She turns back to him. "Look Mister I-think-I'm-so-hot, it's _my_ life!"

"But you're living with _us_," he reminds her.

Venus suddenly relaxes. Her lower lip starts quivering. "Why do you have to be so mean?"

"What?"

"Just leave me alone!" She spins and runs from the room, leaving behind a very confused Raphael.

He stumbles into the kitchen. "What the hell was _that_ about?"

Mike shrugs and Leo frowns.

***

Day twenty eight

Leonardo taps his foot impatiently. "This is a fine mess you've made."

Raph and Mike look up from their game of Uno.

"I don't care what you think the readers want."

Raph and Mike exchange glances.

"Oooh, just wait until I get out of here."

"Uh, Leo," Mike says. "Who are you talking to?"

Leo looks over. "Hmm?"

"Who ya talkin' to?" Raph repeats.

"Oh, Kali."

Raph and Mike exchange another look. Mike puts down a blue six. "So, what happened to the papers?"

"She got a new book on astral projection," Leo tells them as Raph draws a card.

"Ah," Raph replies. "So, what does she have to say?"

"At the moment, she has insomnia, and nothing's on TV at the moment…so she writes."

Mike sets down a blue two. "Why does she have to take it out on us?"

"It gets worse," Raph says, setting down a red two.

"How?" Leo asks.

"She's planning a sequel to that stupid pun story of hers."

"Say it ain't so!" Mike cries.

"I've seen the plans, dude."

***

Day twenty nine

Venus walks into the kitchen. She grabs random things from the cabinets and stares at the cans and boxes.

Dragon Lord stands in the doorway and watches her curious behavior.

"I can't decide," Venus finally says.

"Just choose something!" Dragon Lord snaps.

"But I want it all! Together!"

Dragon Lord presses his fingertips to his temples. "I can only hope that I'm voted off. I don't know how much more of this I can stand."

Venus turns to him. "Is that all you can think about? Yourself?"

Dragon Lord raises a spiked eyeridge. "I'm a villain, what do you expect?"

"No wonder she killed you off."

***

Day thirty

"This sucks!" Mike cries.

Raph looks around. "Kali's here?"

Leo cringes. "I do NOT want to think about that statement."

"I don't get it," Venus says.

Dragon Lord crosses his arms over his chest. "Why am I not surprised?"

Mike glares at the group. "I'm gonna be kicked off, I just know it!"

Raph smacks him upside the head. "No you're not, dork, dragon breath is."

"Excuse me?" Dragon Lord says. "Since when did you get to decide?"

Raph shrugs. "Just seems like your time. Or maybe it's Leo's."

Leo looks at the ceiling. "Oh, I hope so. If I don't, I'm going to kill you next week."

Mike snaps his fingers. "Hey, we never found out the results of the test."

All eyes turn to Venus.

"Oh, well, it was…"

***

Kali smirks as all the readers scream in frustration.

"Did you really think I was going to just tell you? You all should know better than that." She grins. "Well, you all need to vote now. Why do I keep having to remind you people?"

"Kali," Don calls from off stage. "Stop patronizing the readers."

"Aww, you're no fun."


	8. Week Seven

Week Seven

Week Seven

***

We see an empty stage. A single spotlight illuminates the Dragon Lord's throne, but it, too, is empty. A rope falls from the ceiling and a figure slides down. He is instantly identified as…Simon Bonesteel.

"Yes, it is I! The infamous Simon Bonesteel, destroyer of the rare and endangered."

Dragon Lord shoves him aside and stands in his place. "Shut up, human. Well, it seems that I have the most votes this week. As soon as I was allowed to leave I came straight here to reclaim my palace and confront that horrid woman for putting me through this!"

Bonesteel pops up behind Dragon Lord. "Yeah, and for not putting me in this!"

Dragon Lord glares over his shoulder at the crazed hunter. "At least she has _some_ taste." He turns back to the audience. "But she is not here. No where to be found. She has shown her true color and it is yellow!"

Dragon Lord continues ranting as Kali enters the room behind him. Bonesteel notices her and tries to get the Dragon Lord's attention.

"Don't touch me, human. I'm trying to discredit the author."

Bonesteel taps him on the shoulder again and he turns, finally noticing Kali behind him dressed in denim cutoffs and a white halter-top with a TMNT logo on it. Dragon Lord seems surprised, but recovers quickly. "So, witch, you've decided to show."

Kali lets out an inhuman growl. "I would have been here sooner, but _someone _melted the hinges on my dressing room door!"

Bonesteel looks her over. "You should have finished dressing before coming out here, doll," he chuckles.

Kali glares at him. "Who are you, the fashion police? Have you looked in a mirror lately? You aren't a catwalker either, Bonehead. You aren't even in this story!"

"Right! And I intend to change that!"

Kali sighs. "Okay, you got your fifteen minutes. Bye bye." She waves her hand and Bonesteel goes flying off stage. A prolonged moan of pain drifts onto stage. Kali turns to the Dragon Lord. "What do _you_ have to say?"

"Sorry?"

Kali narrows her eyes. "I ought to put you back in the story."

"No, anything but that!"

"Then shut up! I have enough to deal with with Venus."

Dragon Lord looks at her oddly. "You do know that she's never had sex, right?"

Kali waves her arms in the air. "Details, details."

***

Day Thirty One

Raphael rubs his hands together. "Okay, down to the favorites. I have to be sneaky now."

Leonardo rolls his eyes at his brother. "Raph, you haven't gotten a single vote yet, I doubt you have to worry."

Raphael frowns. "You don't really think I'm going to believe that the humans will keep that up, do you? They're all hypocrites, and I don't like putting my fate in their hands."

Michaelangelo smiles at him. "It's not like your life's on the line, Raph, it's just a game. Don't you think you're being a little over-dramatic?"

Raphael thinks for a moment. "No."

Venus sticks her head out of the window of the subway car. "Keep it down, will you?"

"Aww," Mike coos, "are we upsetting you, mommy?"

Leo and Venus glare at him. "That's not funny," Leo says.

Mike sticks his tongue out at Leo. "Bite me, leader man!"

***

Day Thirty Two

Venus drags herself into the kitchen looking like she's had only a few hours sleep in the last forty. Mike looks over from the stove as she plops down in a chair.

"Rough night?"

Venus rests her forehead on the table. "I hate her."

Mike nods. "I'd hate her too if she wasn't as pretty as she is."

Venus glares at the back of his head.

"Look, V, I made you breakfast." He places a plate of pancakes down in front of her. 

She looks down at it for a few seconds. "Do we have any cinnamon?"

Mike blinks. "Uh…I think so."

"Oh, and some raspberry syrup."

"Sure."

"And cornflakes."

"Excuse me?"

***

Day Thirty Three

"Raph?"

Leo looked around the dojo, but his brother wasn't in there. He wasn't in the kitchen, or in the cars, or watching TV, he wasn't anywhere.

"Shh!"

Leo turned his head to the left. "Raph, is that you? Where are you?"

"I'm under here."

Leo turns in a circle. "Under where?"

He hears Raph snicker. "I always wanted to do that."

Leo sighs in frustration. "Fine, have it your way. At least tell me _why_ you're hiding."

Leo feels a tap on his shoulder and spins, and lets out a surprised gasp at the sight of Raphael. "Look, I got it figured out. The humans vote for whoever they don't like."

"Yeah, so?"

Raph rolls his eyes. "So, if I don't have as much on-screen time as, say, _you_, then they don't have a reason to kick me out because I haven't done anything to deserve it." Raphael grins.

Leo gives him a blank look. "I know there's _something_ wrong with that logic, but I can't quite figure out what."

"See? It'll work, trust me!"

***

Day Thirty Four

Leo walks into the room where Mike and Venus are watching TV. Mike looks over at him. "Where's Raph?"

"He's got this idea that if he hides from the voters, then he can't get voted out."

Venus takes another handful of popcorn. "He must really want the prize."

"Yeah." They all remain silent for several minutes until Leo speaks again. "What is the prize again, we've been here so long, I've forgotten."

Mike rubs his forehead. "Me, too. Kali?"

A piece of paper flutters down and lands in front of the couch. Venus bends over and picks it up.

__

'…'

"What's it say?" Leo asks, looking over her shoulder.

Venus turns the paper over. "Nothing. It's just three little dots."

"What?" Raphael runs out from his hiding place and snatches the paper. He turns it over several times before throwing it in the air. "Oh, for the love of…"

Venus looks to Mike. "I don't get it."

Mike shrugs. "Those little dots, I forget what they're called, are like a pause in a sentence. Meaning, she has no idea."

Leo looks nervous. "No, it just means she won't tell us, right?"

Raph slams his fist into the arm of the couch. "No, she would have written 'I'm not telling' or 'It's a surprise' or something. Damn it all! All this for nothing!"

Leo's lower lip starts quivering.

***

Day Thirty Five

Raphael has retreated to his hiding place. Mike is vegging in front of the tube. Leo's trying to regain his sanity through endless katas and Venus is searching through the kitchen cabinets.

Mike sighs. "The author has officially lost her momentum."

A slab of the ceiling falls and hits Mike on the head. "Ow, that hurt."

"Trying to think again, Mikey?" Raph's disembodied voice says.

Mike scowls in the general direction of the voice since he has no idea where his brother is hiding. "Shut up. But thinking seems like a good idea. I need to figure out how to lighten this place up."

"We had a prank week," Raphael replies.

"Yeah, but it wasn't _me_ that time."

Venus looks out from the kitchen. "That reminds me, Donatello owes me a new bandanna."

Leo walks into the main room and looks at everyone.

"What's up, Leo?" Mike smiles.

Leo shakes his head and begins to mumble under his breath. Raph emerges from his hiding place without really giving it away. "She does seem obsessed with driving our fearless leader insane, doesn't she?"

***

Kali sits on the Dragon Lord's throne, as usual, with Bonesteel standing beside her dressed in a sloppy butler's outfit.

"I feel stupid," he mumbles.

Kali hisses at him. "Do you want to be here or not?" She turns to the audience. "Okay, time to cast your vote again. Only three more weeks, and our winner will be revealed, giving them the privilege of being able to say they survived Divine Eyes."

Bonesteel looks at her. "That's the prize?"

Kali shrugs. "I guess they can just name their prize at the end. Or maybe we can ask the readers. Whatever. Well, bye bye and see ya soon."


	9. Week Eight

Week Eight

Week Eight

***

For the first time in a long time, everything is as it should be on stage. Kali is sitting on the throne, dressed in elegant Goth, and Leonardo is sitting in the plastic chair.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen," Kali smiles. "Well, it took awhile, but we finally let Leo go."

"'Bout frickin' time," Leo mumbles.

Kali only grins. "But you had fun, right Leo?"

Leo shrugs. "I seemed to have regained my sanity at least. Oh, that reminds me." He turns around and pulls a straight jacket out from behind his chair. "This is yours, I thought you might want it back."

Kali snatches the jacket away from Leo and stuffs it behind her. "Thanks, Leo, now tell us what you have learned from this experience."

"That straight jackets are lined with satin."

Kali temporarily becomes an anime character and sweatdrops. "Let's move on to the show, and hope none of the readers decide to comment on that."

***

Day Thirty Six

Raphael snickers at Venus. "You're next babe."

Venus glares at him. "Do not call me 'babe'. And I am not."

Mike, who is standing on the other side of her, agrees. "Look, nothing personal, V. I'd rather Raph get kicked out so you and me can spend some time alone."

Venus now glares at Mike.

"But stats don't lie, so bye, bye," Raph adds.

Venus looks at him strangely, then shakes her head. "We'll see."

***

Day Thirty Seven

Raphael looks into the kitchen. "Whatcha makin' Mike?"

Mike looks over at him. "Lunch, duh!"

Raphael walks over and smacks him on the back of the head. "I mean what are you making for lunch, dork."

Mike grins, totally unfazed by his brother's violent act. "It's a surprise," he says.

"Oh, no."

They both look over at Venus, who has just walked in.

"What do ya mean, 'oh, no'," Mike frowns.

Venus crosses her arms over her chest. "Every time you make a surprise, I end up ordering out."

Mike sticks out his tongue. "Well, ya can't this time, V, so live with it." He suddenly ducks and Raphael, who was standing behind him, gets blasted by Venus.

"Ow."

Mike looks over. "That wasn't nice."

Raphael stands up. He grabs a handful of dough from the counter. "Take this."

Venus gasps and the sticky dough hits her right in the face. Raphael doubles over with laughter and Mike tries to hide his smile with his hands.

Venus pulls at the dough but most of it is stuck to her skin. "Oh, you think that's funny, don't you."

"Uh, huh," Raphael smirks. Another handful of dough hits his face with a splat sound and Venus starts laughing. Raphael cleans way the stuff in front of his eyes and looks at Venus. "Okay, now it's personal."

Venus is armed with a soda she got from the fridge. She shakes it up and sprays Raph. Most of it gets on Mike.

"Ahh!" he cries. "Civilian hit!"

Raphael searches the ingredients Mike set out for his 'surprise' and picks up a bottle of chocolate syrup. "Okay, now I…where'd she go?"

Venus is gone when he turns back. "Get back here, Shinobi!"

***

Day Thirty Eight

Raphael finds Venus lying on the couch with a pillow over her head.

"Ah, you've finally decided to do us all a favor," he says.

Venus pulls the pillow off her face. "I'm tired Raphael. It's very difficult being pregnant."

"She's still playin' that? Man, I thought she'd killed that joke already."

Venus smirks. "It is kind of old. Maybe she should do something else." She grins. "Like make _you_ pregnant."

"That's impossible," Raphael argues. Suddenly, high-pitched evil laughter fills the subway terminal. Mike runs into the room and grabs Raph's arm.

"What did you say!?!" he exclaims.

"I just said it was impossible…oh, no."

Venus starts to laugh hysterically. "Oh, yes! I'm just sorry Leo won't be here to see this."

Raphael sneers at her. "I hate you. You and _her_." He suddenly grabs his stomach and flops down in an armchair.

***

Day Thirty Nine

Venus grins as Raphael stumbles out of the bathroom. "Good morning!" 

Raphael looks at her a moment. He tries to flip her off and has a couple sucky attempts before realizing that he has no middle finger. "Ya know, some authors don't bother with that detail and let us give the symbol for 'fuck you'."

Mike pats his head. "Poor Raphy. So, tell me, who's the father?"

Venus bursts out in another round of hysterics. "I only wish this had happened sooner."

Raph growls and punches Mike in the face. It didn't stop the giggling though.

Venus wipes the tears from her eyes. "Look on the bright side, Raphael. You're more interesting now, and probably won't be kicked out."

"Lucky me," Raph grumbles.

Mike puts. "I wanna be more interesting, too!"

A piece of paper appears in Venus' hand. She reads it over and grins. "Okay, Mike, you're the father."

"What?" Mike and Raph say at the same time. They exchange looks of horror and disgust before running in opposite directions.

***

Day Forty

Venus is sitting in the floor in front of the TV sharing a tub of Rocky Road ice cream with Raph. Mike is pacing.

"I'm gonna kill her," Raph says between bites.

Mike looks over. "Don't do that." He pauses. "I want to."

Venus rolls her eyes. "You two are so over dramatic. You always wanted to be a father anyway Mike."

"But not with Raph!" he cries. "She's totally stepped over the line this time. I won't stand for this."

Raphael flicks a spoonful of ice cream at him. It hits the back of Mike's neck and he yelps.

"Wait for the votes, _Daddy_."

***

"Yes, I know, I am a sick, sadistic, twisted individual. I didn't plan on that, you know, but when Raph opened his big beak…well, it was too good to pass up. So, thanks to all of you who vote and review this story. And thanks to everyone who reviews my other stories, I really do appreciate it.

"See ya next week."


	10. Week Nine

Week Nine

Week Nine

***

Kali and Mike wave to the audience.

"Hello everyone, and sorry for the long wait, but you know how it is. This time it was rather close, but Mikey got the most votes, so he's here with me today."

Mike grins. "That wasn't so bad, actually, except for that last day." He shudders.

Kali pats his shoulder. "Don't worry Mike, it'll be over soon. Everything that happened will be void after the story ends."

Mike frowns. "You mean everything will go back to being normal?"

"As normal as they get around here."

"Damn, and I was looking forward to seeing Raph in maternity clothes. Venus, too. Did we ever find out who she was with?"

Kali shrugs. "I don't think it matters at this point. Anyway, this is the second to last chapter."

The audience claps and hoots wildly.

"So it's down to Raph and Venus, two of the fan favorites. And given their...conditions, this should be interesting."

"Have we decided the prizes yet?"

***

Day Forty One

Everything is quiet in the lair. Hmmm, maybe a little too quiet.

CRASH!

"Raph, look what you did!"

"Me? I'm not the one who put it there!"

"You should watch where you're going."

"I don't need to 'cause this is your fault."

Venus screams in frustration and looks down at the bowl that had been sitting on the counter, its contents now spread all over the kitchen floor.

"I'm not cleaning it up," Raph says.

"Oh, yes you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No way!"

"Get back here!"

***

Day Forty Two

"How 'bout Glen?"

"For a boy? Nah, I want something Japanese."

Venus flips through 'The Everything Baby Names Book'. "Kanji?"

"That has promise."

***

Day Forty Three

Venus and Raphael sit on the couch watching TV. Raph keeps flipping the channel but all of them are showing TLC's 'A Baby Story'.

"That's it!" Raphael stands up and throws down the remote and it smashes into a hundred pieces.

"Raphael!" Venus yells. "You should not have done that. Donatello is not here to fix it."

"I don't give a damn! This whole thing is getting on my nerves. I'm going crazy! I have no control over anything."

"Then you should not have been a fictional character," Venus replies. "How do you think I feel? I'm not even canon anymore!"

"Oh, shut up! You got it easy. You wouldn't last one day in the Mirage comic series!"

"I would too!"

"Would not."

"Would too."

"Would not."

"Would too."

"Would not."

"Would too."

***

Day Forty Four

"Would not."

"Would too."

"Would not."

"Would too."

"Would not."

"Would too."

"Would not."

"Would too."

Just to let you know, Venus wins the argument, and to get his revenge, Raphael hides all the food except for a box of store brand rice crispies.

***

Day Forty Five

Raph and Venus sit at the entrance to the lair with their bags at their feet. They looked very tired, but oddly relieved.

"I want a new bike," Raph says suddenly.

Venus stares at him a moment before realizing what he's talking about. "I just want this story to end. I don't really know what I want."

"I'm sure Kali's got something good. I mean she wouldn't gyp ya, 'cause we know where she lives."

Venus nods as Kali appears in front of them. "Well, time to go."

***

Mike runs across the stage, holding something in his hands, and Kali chases after him.

"Mike, give me that back! I just got it!"

Suddenly she notices that the camera is on and stops.

"Oh, hi again. I for one am glad this little adventure is almost over, as fun as it's been. It's time for the final vote, so vote."

Mike sneaks back onto stage and puts bunny ears behind Kali. She turns and chases after him.

After a minute she comes back, smoothing her hair back. "Okay, a few additional notes. I do have some ideas for prizes, and thanks to all of you who gave suggestions. And specifically, thanks to Mica for the information on...uh...well, thanks."

Mike appears on stage, his hands tied in front of him. "We'll use it in good faith."

Kali gives him an odd look and he just shrugs and grins.


	11. Final Judgment

Divine Eyes - Final Judgement Final Judgment 

*** 

"It's the final chapter of Divine Eyes, and I've tallied the votes." 

Mike walks across the stage and hands Kali an envelope. He stands there and grins as she opens it. She looks over and gives him the evil eye. He slowly backs away. 

Kali clears her throat. "Ahem. And the winner is...Raphael!" 

Raphael walks on, waving to the audience. "Thank you, thank you. I always knew I was the best." 

He stops in front of Kali and holds his hand out. "Okay, now where's my prize?" 

Kali pulls another envelope from her jeans pocket and hands it over. Raph rips it open as Kali speaks again. 

"And I haven't forgotten everyone else. Every character in the story gets bunny ears and Ninja Turtle Pez dispensers. For coming in second, Venus gets a prize too." 

Raph waves a piece of paper in the air. "All right! I can't be maimed or tortured or killed in fan fics anymore!" 

Venus walks out and ignores Raph as she approaches Kali. "I get a prize too?" 

"Yeah, I saw this book and thought you might want it." Kali hands over a book entitled _Magick, Shamanism and Taoism: The I Ching in Ritual and Meditation_ by Richard Herne. 

Venus takes the book. "Thanks." 

Raph is still grinning as he reads over his prize. He suddenly stops and turns to Kali. "Um, Kali?" 

"Yes," she replies innocently. 

"Why is there a date on this?" 

Kali continues to smile innocently. "It's an expiration date, of course, all coupons have them." 

"Oh." He looks over the paper again. "This expired yesterday." 

"Did it?" She shrugs. "Well, in that case." Kali turns towards the other side of the stage. She cups her hands around her mouth and screams, "Release the fan girls!" 

She turns back to Raph but he's already gone. Venus and Kali just barely manage to get out of the way before hundreds of fan girls stampede across the stage. 

Kali dusts herself off. "Well, it's all over people. Hope you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it, and more fun than our contestants had." 

Kali and Venus wave as the lights go out. 

"Hey!" 

"What?" 

"Someone pinched me." 

"Well, I didn't." 

"I know that, Venus. Mike?" 

"Not me, though I'm not sure why." 

"Well, who did?" 

"It was me!" 

"Eww, Wick, now I have to go bathe again." 

"Can I watch?" 

*** 

Note: _Magick, Shamanism and Taoism: The I Ching in Ritual and Meditation_ by Richard Herne is a real book. I saw it at B&N and flipped through it. I didn't buy it because I didn't have much use for it in my workings. 

*** 

[Divine Eyes index][1]

   [1]: ../../Web pages/divine.html



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